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Embracing the Journey ...
Personal essay published in Red Silk: The Red Tent Anthology (2011) from Womanspace (Rockford, IL) In 1987 I began searching for answers to those spiritual questions we all get around to asking during the course of our lives: Why am I here? What is my purpose? At the time I was a computer programmer, but I felt an underlying soul urge to seek a different path. Not long into the journey, I became so ill I had to quit my job, along with everything else in my life. I was diagnosed with a mysterious illness, and the next fourteen years turned into a roller coaster ride of ups and downs with wild swings of energy. When I was experiencing one of my upswings, I struggled through massage school, thinking that was my destiny, but afterward I could never maintain the stamina. The body would not cooperate. Eventually, after years of prayer, meditation, journaling, emotional healing work, and utilizing many alternative healing methods, my health improved to the point I felt physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually integrated and ready to move forward. But I still hadn’t realized my soul’s purpose. In a prayer I remember saying, “I surrender. If you want me to do something more with my life, you’ll have to show me.” Then I totally let go of every conceivable idea I had concerning my life’s work and decided to enjoy myself. I started nature journaling and drawing for the fun of it. I took long walks in the forest. I became like a child again, full of wonder and lightheartedness. As soon as I gave up the struggle to know, it was as if a dense cloud lifted up and away from me. Three months later I made this comment to my husband: “As long as I’m not doing anything in particular, it would really be fun to write a book.” Within two weeks I dreamed the first scene of a novel. A week later another scene visited my dreams. From then on, I felt a compulsion to write. In February 2002 I put pen to paper, and within four months I had finished a first draft. With further study and revision, I completed the manuscript in September 2003. Since that time my creativity has blossomed into numerous poems, short stories, and eight novels. The ninth novel is on the way. Years ago no one could have told me my life would veer in this direction. From my current perch as an award-winning author, I look back and realize I have learned some very important lessons: Embrace the journey, no matter how difficult it is, because all of it—the ups, the downs, the light, the dark—shapes you for what is to come. Above all, let go, let God, and open your mind and heart to unlimited possibilities. |